It was a tumultuous household that my mom grew up in, filled with alcoholism and abuse. It can be easy to question why people didn't do better but we all know how that works. We do the best we can with what we have at the time. Mary did the best she could. She loved everyone and wanted everyone to be happy. She had a big laugh and even bigger earrings. I was fascinated with her ear lobes when I was little as they seemed to hang so low! I thought for sure they must hurt.
My memories of Mary are as the sweet Grandma who always had cookies on hand when we visited, and sometimes It's-It ice cream sandwiches! Several times as a child she took my mom and sisters and me, to see the Nutcracker in San Francisco for Christmas. She took us to see our first Broadway musical, Annie and to other shows as well. We'd often have dinner after the show at some old-time San Francisco restaurant. It was after seeing Guys and Dolls, that I learned what "sweet breads" are. We were at the restaurant and my Aunt Leslie couldn't wait to get her order of sweat breads. Leslie had previously announced that she didn't know what sweet breads were, and she didn't want to know because she loved them. Someone at the table (most likely Aunt Sharon) announced their origin. I'll never forget the look of disgust on Leslie's face staring at her sweet breads, realizing what she was eating. Grandma played quite a role in shaping my belief that money is best spent on experiences rather than things.
You could say I owe Grandma Mary my life. In the early 60's Grandma was a waitress at the Mill Valley restaurant, Sabella's. My dad happened to be a busboy there as well. Dad was a bachelor at the time, and in seminary. It was Thanksgiving and dad wasn't going home to Tehachapi. Of course Grandma invited him over for Thanksgiving dinner as she couldn't stand for anyone to be alone on the holidays. So my dad went to dinner at Mary's house and there he met my mom. Shortly thereafter on July 25 (which is also Mary's birthday), they were wed. Grandma even made my mom's wedding gown.
Grandma at my parent's wedding, 1964 |
My mom and dad on their wedding day. |
Up to the end Grandma was still a "mom" and instructing her daughters what to do. The morning of her death, my aunts Sharon and Robin were with her. Grandma kept pestering Aunt Robin to get a haircut. Robin didn't want to go but Grandma was insistent. Aunt Sharon told Robin, go, she would stay with Grandma. Robin went to the salon, had her cut, and returned. Robin made sure Grandma saw her new "do". Twenty minutes later Grandma died.
Mary was 93 when she passed and is preceded in death by three of her sons. Her remaining six children, numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren will miss her sweet voice and her gentle nature. Thanksgiving will never be quite the same without her. This year, Grandma, my dad, Uncle Skip, Uncle Kirk and Uncle Kevin will be having their own Thanksgiving.
Mary Baker
July 25, 1922 - November 4, 2015